He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
