I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My ass is underappreciated
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
