so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
