Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
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