My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
