9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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