dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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