All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
