Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
