I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
