I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
