i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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