I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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