he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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