i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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