Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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