i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
