Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
