i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
