That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
