Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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