better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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