i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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