According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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