Three words: puerto rican gang bang
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Someone shattered a urinal.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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