He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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