Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
well you can't waste a boner
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
