My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
