textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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