Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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