On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
