I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
