I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
