I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Are my feet made of real feet?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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