im having a threesome with these popsicles
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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