everyone is single if you try hard enough
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
