somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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