She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
