im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
