Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
