I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
