this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
