ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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