Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I did not marry a roomba.
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