yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
