I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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