All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
