I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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