If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
