so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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