I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
