i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
