I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
