Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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