I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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